Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
The Funniest Joke in England and the United Kingdom:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
The Funniest Joke in the U.S.
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
The Funniest Joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
The Funniest Joke in Austria
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
The Funniest Joke in Belgium.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
The Funniest Jokes in the World
Chance of...
Chance of an American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 in 10.
Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380
Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421
Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585
Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666
Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065
Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524
Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787
Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000
Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000
Chance of dying from exposure to forces of nature (heat, cold, lightning, earthquake, flood): 1 in 225,107
Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319
Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035
Chance of dying in a terrorist attack while visiting a foreign country: 1 in 650,000
Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1 in 1,000,000
Chance of dying from overexertion, travel or privation: 1 in 1,428,377
Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000
Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325
Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564
Chance of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000
Chance of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556
Chance of dying from being bitten by a dog: 1 in 700,000
Chance of dying from contact with a venomous animal or plant: 1 in 3,441,325
Chance of dying from being bitten or struck by mammals (other than dogs or humans): 1 in 4,235,477
Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000
Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6
Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3
Chance of getting arthritis: 1 in 7
Chance of suffering from asthma or allergy diseases: 1 in 6
Chance of getting the flu this year: 1 in 10
Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000
Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000
Chance of American man developing cancer in his lifetime: 1 in 2
Chance of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3
Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6
Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9
Chance of getting colon / rectal cancer: 1 in 26
Chance of beating pancreatic or liver cancer: 1 in 9
Chance of beating thyroid or testicular cancer: 9 in 10
Chance of dying from FALLING COCONUT: 1 in 250,000,000
Chance of dying from LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE KILLED USING A RIGHT-HANDED PRODUCT: 1 in 4,400,000
Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000
Chance of dying from falling a ladder: 1 in 2,300,000
Chance of dying after falling out of bed: 1 in 2,000,000
Chance of being killed in a train crash: 1in 500,000
Odds of being...
Odds of winning an Olympic medal: 662,000 to 1
Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1
Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1
Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1
Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to 1
Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1
Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1
Odds of being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1
Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1
Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1
Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1
Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1
Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1
Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1
Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1
Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1
Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1
Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1
Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1
Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1
Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 220 to 1
Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1
Odds of becoming a pro athlete: 22,000 to 1
Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1
Odds of getting a royal flush in poker on first five cards dealt: 649,740 to 1
Odds of spotting a UFO today: 3,000,000 to 1
Odds of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1
Odds of winning the California lottery: 13,000,000 to 1
Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1
Odds of a meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1
The World’s Biggest Spiderweb
This might be one of the biggest, if not the biggest spiderweb ever found. This huge web was found covering 180 meters of trees and bushes by the employees of park Lake Tawakoni in Texas. It’s not yet clear if this “work of art” has been made by a single or a colony of spiders. The web was initially white, but turned dark when all the mosquitoes got caught in it.
World's most beautiful woman
Introducing Carlizina Jolectron, the latest Hollywood beauty. On closer inspection, the stunning actress appears rather familiar. In fact, Carlizina isn't even a real woman - she's a digital combination of Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron and Carmen Electra.
This stunning brunette has Angelina Jolie's lips and hair, Carmen Electra's eyes and Charlize Theron's nose. Carlizina is just one of the entries in Photoshop website Worth1000.com's contest to find the ultimate celebrity.
Oasis In the Middle of Nowhere
This amazing place is built in the middle of the desert, around a small lake. Located in the Ica Province, near the city of Ica, Huacachina is known as the oasis of America, where many tourists come for the huge sand dunes and sandsurfing. The legend says the place was created by a princess caught bathing by a local hunter. The pool of water she left became a lagoon, while her mantle transformed into sand dunes. It is said that the princess inhabits the lagoon as a mermaid.
This amazing place is built in the middle of the desert, around a small lake. Located in the Ica Province, near the city of Ica, Huacachina is known as the oasis of America, where many tourists come for the huge sand dunes and sandsurfing. The legend says the place was created by a princess caught bathing by a local hunter. The pool of water she left became a lagoon, while her mantle transformed into sand dunes. It is said that the princess inhabits the lagoon as a mermaid.
Most Expensive Watch
Fetching aprice of $1.5 million, Vacheron Constantin's Tour de l'lle was made in commemoration of the Swiss company's 250th anniversary. It is double face watch with features like horological complications and astronomical indications. There were only 7 produced and the original took over 10,000 man hours to develop. It features 18-carat gold dial with a hand-sewn alligator leather band and pink gold buckle.
Why are DVDs sold in larger packages than CDs, even though the discs are the same size?
CDs come in cases that are 148mm wide and 125mm high. By contrast, DVDs are sold in cases that are 135mm wide and 191mm high. Why use such different packaging for discs of identical size?
A little digging reveals the historical origins of this difference.
Prior to the appearance of digital CDs, most music was sold on vinyl discs, packaged in close-fitting sleeves that measured 302mm square. The racks on which vinyl discs were displayed were just wide enough, in other words, to accommodate two rows of CD cases with a divider between them.
Making the CD cases a little less than half as wide as the record sleeves they were replacing thus enabled retailers to avoid the substantial costs of replacing their storage and display racks.
Similar considerations seem to have driven the decision regarding DVD packaging. Before DVDs became popular, most film rental stores carried videotapes in the VHS format, which were packaged in form-fitting boxes that measured 135mm wide and 191mm high.
These videos were typically displayed side by side with their spines out. Making DVD cases the same height enabled stores to display their new DVD stocks on existing shelves, while consumers were in the process of switching over to the new format.
Making the DVD package the same height as the VHS package also made switching to DVDs more attractive for consumers, since they could store their new DVDs on the shelves they used for VHS tapes.
